All posts by lisaspeaksout

About lisaspeaksout

Aspiring Writer. I wish to use my experiences to help reach out to those out there that need to know that they are not alone. I strive to write short stories and plays, currently working on a e-book being published.

Inktober Day 10: Ode to my First Love, The Snake

So I posted “Poison Apple” last week and said that it had a part two, well this is the part two. It’s the aftermath of my “Poison” drawing. If you haven’t seen it check it out. It’s my Day 3 submission 

“Ode to my First Love: The Snake”
“After she took the bite, what ensued was months of manipulation and deceit. He had blessed her with words no man had spoken to her in years. Words that, at the time, she wanted to here. Still, words were meaningless without action, and despite her spreading her legs for him every week, he did not seem to keep up with his promise. In fact, the more she had given her body to him, the more he drifted away from her. The more he presented her with the feeling of closeness that intimacy brings, the more she fell for him against her own wishes. She attempted to stop herself, but she lost that internal battle. She sucummbed to the effect of the poison he had filled her with that summer before and fell hard. He was not there, however, to catch her. Instead he began to limit their hangouts to only messing around and saying that he had feelings for her but she did not have what he was looking for. Still, she clung onto him, he did have a piece of her no one else would ever have after all. He knew that, in fact, he knew that she was head over heels for him. He also knew that she was nothing more than a fuck he could keep around until he got bored, so he decided to string her along for his needs. He wrapped his slithering body around her and continued to fill her with his venom to keep her attached so he wouldn’t lose his little play toy. When her demands for commitment he promised to her became to overwhelming, he decided she wasn’t worth it. He left her to give someone else the one thing he promised but never gave her, a relationship. At that time she realized not only had she been played, but that she did love him but his “feelings” were never there for her. Her first love never loved her back, and the poison he filled her with killed her internally.”

Sorry for the flood of art on WordPress, I’ve just become so obsessed with art and am improving so I want to share it as much as possible. For those interested in more of my art, follow lisawolfs_artgram for more. 

I still haven’t forgotten about my book, About Last Night. The preview will be up soon 🙂 

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Inktober Day 10: Not a Compliment 

I really need a scanner 😦

This is one I was looking forward to for a while, mainly because I had never drawn animals before. Also because I wanted to give a message.


 

Day 10-1: The Cat (Female) from Anthromorphic People prompt

“Not a Compliment”: “I was ten years old when a guy first looked at me sexually. I was eleven when a guy on the internet who stalked an older friend of mine preyed on me because I was “cute”. I was fourteen when a Senior pulled me onto his lap at a high school dance. I was also fourteen when a guy stalked me home for the first time no matter how much I ignored him. I was sixteen when an guy grabbed my ass at a party and attempted to take advantage of the fact that I was drunk, and that same night the ‘friend’ I came with just laughed at this and left me to fend for myself. At seventeen I was called ugly and a bitch by guys online just because I wouldn’t send nudes. I was eighteen when a Professor that I trusted had become too friendly with me. I was also eighteen when a “boyfriend” I had at the time blamed a few guys making lewd comments toward me on the fact that I was wearing shorts. I was nineteen when someone another student in my college at the time had stalked me through Facebook and my classes and I was told that it wasn’t stalking if he wasn’t directly behind me. I was twenty when I was catcalled in the hallways at work and when I reported it, another girl who overheard said he only did it because “I’m pretty.” Earlier this year, I was harassed by a “friend” from high school and a guy on the train followed me and threatened to beat me up if I kept ignoring him and pulled out a pair of dirty panties from his bag. I am twenty-one going on twenty-two and I still face these harassments on the street, the “hey sexy”s and the lewd comments about me as if I am a piece of meat. It is not a boost to my self-esteem, and it is not a compliment. I am a human, not a cat, so don’t make kissy noises at me.”

For more, follow my art instagram, lisawolfs_artgram 🙂 

About Last Night preview coming Soon! 

Inktober Day 3: Ode to My First Love, The Poisonous Apple

Yet another one a day late ;-; This whole week has been very crazy so I apologize. I hope to catch up today or tomorrow.

For more of my art for Inktober, follow my art Instagram, lisawolfs_artgram and my DeviantArt lonewolf712 

This one was done by Staples brand pens, and Gelly Roll pens by @sakuraofamerica 

 This one was rushed, but this is it:

Day 3: Poison

“Ode to my First Love: The Poisonous Apple” 

(This one is a two-parter. Part 2 will come with a future prompt.) 

“Her whole world was crashing in front of her. She felt overwhelmed to a point where just getting out of bed and living her day to day life was exhausting. When she no longer desired to be alive, he came into her life like a knight in shining armor. Her night in shining armor. He seemed as sweet as an apple, but she was hesitant to take a bite. She was vulnerable however, and he knew to say all the right things. Beautiful, smart, valuable, all the things she wanted to hear from a guy but was deprived of all her life. Her inferiority complex caused her to believe that she needed a man to tell her these thing in order to feel validated. In her eyes, he was perfect and she did not hesitate to give him a part of her that was so pure and valuable. A part of her no one else had. In her eyes, he was worthy of it. Little did she know, he was venomous. He was filled with a poison that would soon take over her body, but she was too naive and inexperienced to realize until after she took a bite. He only wanted one thing, and a virgin girl in her late teens seemed like the perfect target to fill his poison with.” 

Inktober: Day 1 

Day 1 of Inktober! For those of you who don’t know, Inktober is a challange to post 1 drawing every day of October using only ink. (You can use pencil to sketch then trace over it) I am only decent at art, but I decided to give Inktober a try. This one really took me a while to finish due to all the color, but after nearly a week I have finished It! I made this solely using gel pens I bought from Blick Art Materials and from Sharpie Fine-Tip pens. Picking a prompt was so hard because I found so many I wanted to do for each day but I have decided which ones I will pick each day and save the other ideas I had for the future. I will be picking from different prompts each day. The prompt I picked I found from an artist on Tumblr. The prompt was “The Dreamer” from his Space Travelers prompt. Here is the background of my Ink adaption of the prompt, “Life Beyond Earth”: 


“As she looks into the night sky, her eyes filled with wonder, she envisions many different galaxies and planets inhibited by other beings alien to humanity. She desires nothing more than to be a part of their world and to admire the beauty that the other planets bestow. There’s a whole universe out there, and she knew that. She knew that there was a life beyond Earth, and she wanted to experience it all.” It’s not the best and I know I can improve but that’s the whole point of this isn’t It? 

For more of my art as well as the rest of my contributions to Inktober, you can follow my lisawolfs_artgram Instagram and my DeviantArt LoneWolf712.deviantart.com. ❤ 
For those wondering, I have not forgotten “About Last Night”. I have been really busy with work and editing the story and my art, but I can guarantee the preview will be up soon. Thank you for your patience ❤ 

About Last Night Update

Hello all, 
So I know some of you were excited for the release of the preview of my first book, About Last Night, today. Unfortunately, it will not be released today as there is still some things in it that need to be fixed in it before I could be satisfied enough to post it. This will not delay my story for much longer, as I do have confidence that as I continue to work on it it will be ready by next week. For now, I am not giving it a set date but the 2-chapter preview for “About Last Night” will be avaliable on Amazon very soon. Thank you all for your support. It is greatly appreciated 🙂 
For now, you can follow my page, Lisa Speaks Out, and my Instagram lisawolfs_artgram for updates. You can also follow my blog for updates as well as a look into the brief summary of About Last Night if you have not seen it already. Thank you ❤ 
Also, to my friends, if you are interested in me personally messaging you an update when it’s done, then like my status. 🙂

Regrets

Regrets.

We all have them. No matter how much you preach, “every mistake is a learning experience,” you have to admit that at least once in your life, you have done something that would make you want to jump in a time machine and stop yourself from doing if you could.

What is that regret for you?

When people look at me, they see mystery. They see a reserved girl who keeps her circle small and, while socializing with a few people every day, she rarely lets anyone in. It might make one wonder if she has any skeletons in her closet worth exposing. Some may say yes. Others may say, “no she is too sweet for that.”

Indeed, I may have a good heart that is filled with empathy and understanding for everyone good and bad, but I would be lying if I said I have never made any mistakes harmful to anyone else.

Words I want to take back that I never can. Lies that even I believed at one point. Friends I had lost due to these lies. Actions so vile I cannot even speak of them. All over someone who has no relevance in my life anymore, but did have a huge presence in it years ago. All for someone who was not worth my time and sanity. All for someone who did not care for me, but I had so desperately wanted him to that I cost myself some of the people who actually did.

All for sympathy.

Earlier in 2017, I reached an epiphany. I did not want to be that person anymore. He has been long gone out my life, I am in a much better place than I had been the past few years, I have better friends and a boyfriend, a job I love doing, and I have the ability to express myself creatively. Why did I spend my time running away from myself by creating this life for me that did not exist in the face of my close ones? No more lies, I decided.

“The truth will set you free.” This saying could not be more relevant as I finally opened up about my past. All the lies, guilt, and cruel words came pouring out my mouth to anyone affected by my actions. As I did so, the weight I carried around the past few years finally lifted off my shoulders and was carried away into the wind as I watched it drift away from me forever.

I could say that this brought me peace, and while I left that negative lifestyle behind and some had found it in their heart to forgive me, some had not.

Including myself.

The things I did were harmful and wrong, yes, and while I am not trying to justify it, there was worse things that people have done to harm others. That is what people who know of my past had said. Not to mention that I am only twenty-one and still am just at the beginning of my adulthood. Still, betrayal from a best friend is one of the worst kind, and cruel words have such an impact on someone similar to being sliced by a thousand knives, and while I had not physically harmed anyone or took anyone’s life, I still had caused people emotion pain and took advantage of their trust, and that is something I can never take back.

I have changed. I am more appreciative of those around me, I am mindful of the words I say to others, and I am much more truthful with everyone. What I had done is far in the past now and I have become someone that the dark side of me I had for years would never recognize.

Still, the guilt often sits in the back of my mind and rears its ugly head in every day. My past still haunts me to a point where it sometimes becomes a struggle to come to terms with the fact that I am not perfect, that I have done regretful things to others, and that my past does not make me a horrible person or make me any less of the good person I am within.

 

via Daily Prompt: Sympathy

Where Were You

(I haven’t been feeling good all day but I wrote a little something for 9/11)

​I remember when 9/11 happened.

I don’t remember it exactly as it was since I was younger but I remember it vividly. I was 5 going on 6 at the time. I had no idea what was going on, other than something was off that morning.

I was in first grade, and I remember my teacher talking about how something happened in Manhattan but I didn’t understand anything. Then parents started coming in and picking up their kids. During lunchtime my dad came to the cafeteria and took me home, which I found weird because he didn’t tell me he was gonna pick me up early. He brought me home and while he was on the phone I saw on the TV that the news was on every channel. I was terrified because I saw fires, explosions, and people covered in blood. As I said, I was still a child at the time so I didn’t understand how these kinds of things could happen. It was everywhere. Even outside I could hear people listening to the news about what was happening on their radios. I remember crying because I was scared, and even more scared because while my dad was home safe since at the time he worked night shifts (He wound up calling out, which was good considering that he worked near the World Trade Center at the time) my mom was stuck at work later than usual. She works at a school, and since they needed to ensure that the children got home safely first she could not come home until all the kids were picked up. It was understandable, but seeing all those people who were seriously injured on TV and the building falling down made me worry for my mom. 

My mom did eventually make it home safe, but that whole day was frightening. I was young. I didn’t understand death. I didn’t understand hatred. I didn’t understand why people do the things they do. It was the first time I was really exposed to how this world really is and how twisted some people are, how people will do things out of hatred with little care to the innocent lives of others, and for a long time after that I was scared that it would happen again. At the same time, I wanted to pretend it never happened. I would cower in fear whenever commercials came on as a reminder of what happened. I would get paranoid every time I heard a plane. I remember walking in the Times Square station with my family not too long after and seeing a memorial with pictures of people who died, including the face of one woman I saw on the news covered in blood. It baffled me as to how one second, despite being severely injured she was still on the news, but still had died not too long after. I wondered about her life, and about the lives of the others that had been killed. I didn’t know who they were, or any of their loved ones, but I do know that many people suffered losses that day. Many people saw off their husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, friends and so on just to never see them again. I may have been able to pretend it never happened, but they never will. Neither will anyone in New York City, or the United States, or anyone in the whole world. This was not the first terrifying thing to happen in the world, and it would not be the last either. 

It was there I finally learned not only about mortality, but about how cruel this world can be. 

“About Last Night” Release Date

What would you do if you could not remember the night that changed your life forever? Thomas Polanco faces this situation one night at a party during his Sophomore year of college. People are giving him looks and his loved ones are suddenly treating him differently, but no one will tell him why. As time passes and his memory slowly comes back to him, social media publicly reveals an event he doesn’t remember happening and Thomas is unsure if he can handle it.
A two-chapter preview will be avaliable on September 15th on Amazon Kindle and the full novel will be avaliable in November 2017.

Follow my Facebook page, Lisa Speaks Out, and my blog, lisaspeaksout.wordpress.com for more updates.

Announcement: Publishing My First Story

So in all my years of writing, I have not once finished most stories unless they were for a class or something really short for my blog. My room is full of notebooks with stories that I have started over the years and never finished, and my USB is full of unfinished projects that I keep swearing I will get back to. I will get back to them all one day at some point in my life. But now, with the motivation of others, I have found the story I am going to publish first. It Is an idea I have had since middle school, started on multiple times but never finished, and underwent many different versions and titles. Here is a brief look into it:
“About Last Night…”
Thomas Polanco led an average life in college with his best friends and his girlfriend. One drunken night at a back-to-school party during his sophomore year of college, however, his life changes. Except there is one problem, he doesn’t remember the events of that night. He has nothing but a small amount of clues and his senses to attempt to piece together everything that happened. What he discovers, however, is more than he bargained for.
That is all I will say for now. The Prologue and two chapters are done and will be released as an official preview on Amazon sometime next week. The entire book will be released in October or November 2017.
Please follow my blog, my Facebook page Lisa Speaks Out and my art and writing Instagram, lisawolfs_artgram for more updates and official release date. Your support is appreciated

Presenting a Situation for Something I am Working on, Please Give Your Honest Opinions.

Hello all. I know I have not posted since January, and I apologize for the delay in posts. I plan on getting back to stories, plays, and vents as often as possible now that many ideas are finally flowing through my head once again and now that I am finding inspiration again. Early 2017 was certainly a rough few months for me and depression was keeping me from being able to focus my mind on one set project. I am, however, back finally and planning on releasing a few things this summer. In fact, I have an announcement to make in an upcoming blog that is set to be published tomorrow or Thursday.

I know this is a weird first post to make considering I have been inactive for about six months now, but I am working on something that requires me to ask these questions and I want to get as many answers as possible. I posted this following message on my Facebook and Facebook page, and figured this blog would also be a good place to gather opinions as well:

I am currently in the process of working on something for something, and I currently am seeking some opinions on the situation presented in what I am working on. I usually never do this, but I really do kinda need as many opinions as possible. I will not be publishing out any names for said thing I am working on, nor will I be ridiculing anyone for their opinion. I would appreciate if likewise, no one would judge anyone else for their opinion either. I know that is near impossible for anyone to do so on the internet as anything that warrants an opinion on the internet and that can create controversy causes an uproar, but I am doing this solely for research purposes. What for you say? You’ll find out in the future. For now, please, I am asking for people to give their opinions on my following questions about the situation I am about to present. I will be recording these answers but will not attach any names to it, so answer as honestly as you want. I will not judge. If you prefer messaging me personally, then you can do so as well. Thank you all for reading and participating. Feel free to share my post as well on here. I will take as many responses as I can get. 🙂 If you are not interested in this, I will not force you to respond.
Trigger Warning for sexual assault. I don’t wanna make anyone uncomfortable so if anything involving sexual assault of any kind triggers you, do not read any further.
Keep in mind, the scenario is NOT based on me or anyone I know personally.
Situation:
A person in their mid-twenties is at a party with their friends. They are a bit drunk, but can still function for the most part. As they stumble around the party, they wind up getting suckered into being alone in a room with another stranger. The person winds up, against their will, raping them. The person being raped is visibly not consenting in any type of way, but the other person keeps going anyway. Once the person raping them is done, they leave behind their victim who is still processing what just happened and sobbing uncontrollably unsure of what to do because they are positive no one will believe them.
So now you wonder, okay, Lisa, where are you going with this? Well two questions now arise from this situation I presented. Like I said, answer them as honestly as possible. Please answer number 1 before even reading number 2.
1) So now whether or not you noticed, I did not disclose any genders in this scenario. So without giving second thought, as you read the scenario, what gender would you assume the victim is? Don’t give it a second thought, just answer honestly what gender you envisioned the victim as. Now tell me, without a second thought, what gender do you envision the rapist as? Again, no second thoughts right now, just tell me what gender you saw the rapist as. If possible, can you explain why you see the victim and rapists as these genders?
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2) Now that you have thought about number 1, I want you to take something into consideration. Generally, many would think the victim is a female and the rapist a male. If that is what you answered, it is okay. That is the case usually and like I said there is no right or wrong answers right now. Let’s say though, that the victim was a cisgender male and the rapist was a cisgender female? Say they were both in their early 20’s, the victim was not asexual, gay, or bisexual. He just was not into the girl who raped him, in fact he only ended up alone with her because he was trying to help her because she appeared piss drunk and he feared she would be taken advantage of in her state so he just wanted to be by her side, but he was not attracted to her at all just trying to do a good deed. Then, as it turns out, she was not wasted and it was a trap and she took advantage despite him not wanting to sleep with her? Without a second thought, what did you think as soon as the situation turned to be with a straight young male victim and a young female rapist? You can answer this in any way. You can also add whether or not it could be deemed as rape. Again this is all YOUR opinion and I am leaving my own thoughts on this matter out.
Thank you all for your time and responses again~