The Struggles of Social Anxiety

I’m the girl that sits in the corner, invisible to everyone around her. I am that girl that stands out in the crowd when all I want to do is fit in. I am that girl that no one approaches because I unwillingly set off an unfriendly demeanor. I am that girl that has plenty of stories to tell, yet I hardly can create conversations when speaking to people. I am that girl who feels a mixture of emotion yet conceals it because it’s easier. I am that girl who failed to just talk to the guy I like because I let my fears of confrontation get the better of me. I am that girl that most people tire of quickly. I am that girl who is always alone even in a group of people. I am that girl. Though I wish not to be, I am. 

I am not that girl who can go up to anyone and engage in conversation. I am not that girl who steals everyone’s attention with her smile. I am not that girl who has self-confidence. I am not that girl who defends herself. I am not that girl who lives for social interaction. I am not that girl contributes tons of ideas when in groups. I am not that girl that can catch mostly everyone’s interest. I am not that girl that you can depend on for icebreakers when there is awkward silence. I am not that girl that speaks with emotion in her voice unless I have reached that level of comfort with you. I am not that girl that many people talk to out of choice as opposed to force. 

I am not that girl. I want to be but I am not. 

I am not antisocial by choice. I have always desired to be as outgoing and bubbly as everyone else. Yet no matter how hard I try, I can’t fight these issues I have with being social.  I at one point accepted that I will never be as talkative as everyone else and that I, deep down, don’t have the desire to be. Yet that all changes whenever I am faced with social situations. Even worse when I am laughed at about it or when people pick at me for not speaking enough. 

I am one of kind, but not in the way I want to be. 

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